Kafka's Sandwich (or The loneliness of the Lunch Hour)

I bought a Christmas sandwich, with Brie and Cranberry filling. I couldn't face the Butter-basted Turkey and Bacon flavour, I wanted my heart to survive the afternoon. The packet declared that the sandwich was "Delicious" and part of the latest "Collection". Using fashion terminology to describe food is not the most appetising way to sell it, especially as the buyer knows (and expects) that a pre-packed sandwich is only going digest miserably in the lowest, darkest part of the gut.
I searched for a quiet place to eat the sandwich and read my book, and once I had become comfortable I ripped open the cardboard packet. There, wedged between the bread was a small sachet. Hoping it was there to improve the flavour of the sweating cheese I ripped it open to discover a paper crown and a "joke".
"What bird is best at writing?" I read, squirming. "A Pen-Guin." Utterly awful. But also disturbing. If a penguin (sorry, Pen-Guin) is the best at writing, then which are the other birds that can write? Christ, the joke had no thought...
Before I began to eat, I decided to to don the paper crown, hoping it would add a festive vibe to my meager lunch. It didn't work. In fact, it had the opposite effect. I suddenly became aware of how alone I was. I had never worn such a hat away from the Christmas table, and now I was enveloped in solitude. Each cold bite of my sandwich was a taste of gruel, a poor, lonely man's lunch. My spirits slipped further as a man in a high-visibility vest walked past, quickening his pace as he clocked me.
Christ, I thought. I've stumbled on a vicious and effective weapon. This could go no further. I ripped the hat from my head and began tearing it, dropping the fragments onto the floor between my legs as I went. At this point, the man in the high-vis vest was on his return journey. He looked at me with a desperate look on his face.
If you knew, I wanted to say. If you knew what this hat was capable of, you would help me. But he only saw lunacy, I had been exposed. I looked down at the shards of red paper lying on the floor, perfectly complimented by the deep blue of the carpet. I stood up and quickly walked in the other direction. I wanted no further part of this foul scene.